I look in the mirror and what do I see?
My sexy-self staring back at me
No one else sees like like I do
I'm the only one I want to screw
Human cloning is on the scene
It costs a bomb but I'm really keen
To book an appointment and when it's done
I'll take myself home for endless fun
I'm no longer on the shelf
I can do what everyone's been telling me
They say 'go fuck yourself'
I could previously only masterbate
But now me and I can fornicate
The cloning process was a great success
I could've ended up with women's breasts
I introduced myself to myself
I knew I had a clean bill of sexual health
I led myself home by the hand
It was worth every penny of the fifty grand
The first time we fucked was on the kitchen sink
The next-door neighbours heard everything
I'm no longer on the shelf
I can do what everyone's been telling me
They say 'go fuck yourself'
I could previously only masterbate
But now me and I can fornicate
I know exactly where I liked to be touched
You pleasure my erogenous zones, it thrills me so much
We're both screaming out different names
But there's no jealousy as we both feel the same
I've often tasted my own cum
But for the first time it was from my clones bum
We ended up in a 69
He peaked too soon but that was fine
Everything's going swimmingly
We're now engaged, aren't you proud of me?
There's a bun in the oven from a surrogate Mum
It'll be fucked in the head by 21
I'm no longer on the shelf
I can do what everyone's been telling me
They say 'go fuck yourself'
I could previously only masterbate
But now me and I can fornicate
Release notes:
All words & music by Bri Jnr. & Tico Jnr.
Bri Jnr. explains:
Vanity taken to its utmost extremity. Actually, come to think of it, cloning yourself in order to shag yourself rotten is not half as vain as those who post a slightly different posed selfie, every single day on InstaFaceChat. Especially those with fish lip pouts and dog-face filters. That is far more disturbing that tasking your own stable love juice from the rim of your clones rear-end.
I let my imagination run wilder than ever on this theme and supplied an appropriate thrusting pulse of a tune to match. When Justin Bieber sung 'Love Yourself', this is what he was really trying to express.
Tico only wishes that he had thought of and written this raunchy anthem before I did. He did contribute a snarling guitar solo and some key lyrics though - the kitchen sink couplet was his baby, as I have never fantasised about raucously romping in the kitchen, it's just not overly hygienic really, is it.
Tico Jnr. spares a moment to reflect:
This was as highly anticipated and fiercely fought as the space race between the USSR and USA. Bri Jnr., so he so fondly reminds us, did indeed announce the idea a few seconds before me. He saw me putting my hand up and waiting patiently to speak, but he ignored that and told me to fuck myself, then came over all giddy as he gingerly explained the idea for the song and some of the limericks.
While my contribution is not as significant in number of words, the words I used are better, so I class this more of my song as I made it remarkably better - it would've been utter tripe otherwise.
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