I gotta get up the paperboy's just delivered
With every step I take the crossword gets nearer
The chores I'm assigned - well they get left behind
I prefer these puzzles to exercise my mind
It's the only way for me to start my day
I don't brush my teeth, I ain't afraid of decay
I cannot rest until the job is done
It's more than a game I don't do it for fun
Three down tells me to wash my face
But I keep on going through this enigmatic maze, much to my bodys dismay
Two across starts to get me down
But with some brain and brawn I can turn this around, I can turn this feeling around
I got a little hope to fill in all the words
'Though I find some of them completely absurd
I want the weekly prize to wing it's way to me
The currency's the pound and the value is fifty
But there's always one word that I find evasive
I scribble loadsa answers but my fingers start chaffin'
I try and get around it by using Vaseline
But when I'm out in public it creates a big scene
Three down tells me to wash my face
But I keep on going through this enigmatic maze, much to my bodys dismay
Two across starts to get me down
But with some brain and brawn I can turn this around, I can turn this feeling around
Close-by lives a neighbour
She's really good at quizzes, I effing hate her
She comes around here flaunting her stuff
Claiming the crosswords are never that tough
Well one day I'll show her and give her some jip
A broken nose, cracked jaw and hip
Then I'll be the one who wins the weekly prize
So I can treat myself to a nice surprise
It's got so bad, these puzzles take over
I wanna end it by the cliffs of Dover
I ain't a one-trick pony, I do more than crosswords
They're what keep me going and help heal the hurt
I find dot-to-dots are so predictable
Yet I find sudoku so irresistable
Fun with numbers, fun with letters
I get so excited I remove my sweaters
Three down tells me to wash my face
But I keep on going through this enigmatic maze, much to my bodys dismay
Two across starts to get me down
But with some brain and brawn I can turn this around, I can turn this feeling around
Three down tells me to wash my face
But I keep on going through this enigmatic maze, much to my bodys dismay
Two across starts to get me down
But with some brain and brawn I can turn this around, I can turn this feeling around
Sometimes I get so cross with crosswords
So very cross with crosswords
So Kriss Kross it hurts
So very cross with crosswords
Release notes:
All words by Tico Jnr. & Bri Jnr., all music by Tico Jnr., except
Some crossword answers by Martin Luther Bling
Bri Jnr. whispers carelessly:
Who would have thought two polar opposite worlds in Dire Straits and gangster rap could fuse together so effortlessly? Well we made it work of course. The Sultans of Sudoku were well chuffed with our efforts too.
Tico pushed his lyrical flow to the limits here and I delivered his masterful lyrics with a vibe and tension that makes peak Eminem sound like Robbie's 'Rock DJ' by comparison. I did contribute part of the rap in the "Dot to dots are so predictable" verse so I deserve further praise for this achievement as well.
The chorus is my favourite Space Brain chorus to date, stunning lyrics from Tico and a vocal melody that shines brighter than the sun on an icy winters morning, making driving conditions even more hazardous.
If any of you are in any doubt as to our rap credentials, remember this- both Tico and I, Bri, originate from North West Anglia (NWA) and we are straight outta Bretton, just down the road from Westwood. Authenticity never smelt so genuine.
Tico Jnr. quips:
Legendary! The melody and chorus sure are splendid. I don't think anything comes close. Such innovation.
I used my Flying Vee for this one, and seeing that it has the vibe of sitting down (to do the crossword) it was only appropriate I perform this one sitting down while on tour with that awkwardly cocked 'vee. Our soundman, Jerkin' 'the' Gerkin (at the time), wasn't too happy on this decision, given his 57 slipped vertebrae. Whoopsie daisy!
Bri can take credit for his contribution, which sadly turned the majority of the song from a complexly worded number, to something more 'easy' for him to sing live. Any word with five or more syllables was prompty reviewed and most likely exchanged. Looking back, I should've insisted nothing was changed as it was truly amazing seeing Bri fall arse-over-tit while trying to perform oral gymnastics (oo-er). I can gobble up the vocals on this like an item on the McSaver menu. Bri can't.
Back - I'm A Tax Fraud
|
Next - The Berkshire Petrol Sniffer