This is from when we were prolific together, although I slightly more-so.

I genuinely could see through the eyes of the subject whom we were writing about. It was quite a dark evening but he was getting the job done despite the hindrance of low visibility and a very busy city centre - I am especially glad he managed to pick up his deep fat fryer. While I do not condone the disrespect of an employer's motor vehicle, the lyrics really create some intense imagery. Well done to us / me.

Please enjoy Bri's Freudian slip with regards to the host. I assume he is referring to the original host within the song, as the little blighter does like to 'randomise' which host he chants during very special live performances of the shanty.

How many hosts of Countdown have there been since the glory days of original host, Des Lynam? My reliable Google (canoodle) search informs me that there has been five since Des, including Mel's beloved Des (rest in peace) and current hostess with the mostess, Anne Robinson.

What would Anne make of this songs narrator / hero's rapid-fire mission to purchase a deep fat fryer, winter woolies (rest in peace) and Boots cosmetics, before their parking ticket expires? As our narrator / hero did not think to use the local park n' ride, no doubt Anne would call them the weakest link, goodbye.

An unidentified source informed me via fax that the narrator / hero of this breathtaking tale was no other than Dale Winton (rest in peace). You would've thought that Dale would have used his Supermarket Sweep experience to successfully beat the clock in time for Nick Hewer on Countdown. Maybe he was waiting for the 'beep' that would never arrive.

Whoever this narrator / hero was, they didn't spare a moment to come and visit my market stall for a broken Jammie Dodger. They had their priorities all wrong, I tells ya!